Coming Of Age as Memoir

I have officially completed the three coming of age novels we've focused on so far in class! I am, however, left with one question:

Are all coming of age novels quasi-memoirs?

It's definitely not a problem if that is the case or not, I'm just very curious. It is widely acknowledged that A Portrait of a Young Man is actually a portrait of the young James Joyce as reflected upon by his older self. We also talked about how The Bell Jar is a retelling of some of Sylvia Plath's struggle with mental illness around ten years after the episodic period that the book depicts. A Catcher in the Rye is not a retelling of J.D. Salinger's life, but we did talk about him vs D.B.; they both go by their initials, and Holden's view of D.B. selling himself to Hollywood is somewhat what Salinger thinks of himself. There's also the fact that Holden wanted to escape from a phony society and move to Vermont, and Salinger attempted to do the same and moved to New Hampshire (and to be honest I see both of those states as shades of the same exact place...).

It really does make sense, too, that coming of age novels would have memoir qualities, especially the ones we're reading. Writers use bits of themselves and their own experiences to turn words into stories, and so for a coming of age novel to be truly good it makes sense that the writer would use the experiences they had in that period of their lives. It makes it so that the novel will ring true to the reader, and be at least somewhat relatable.

The Catcher in the Rye did a great job of that actually; it's my favorite of the three books, and the only reason I don't have an entire post dedicated to it is because I wrote a reflective response paper and I'm paranoid about accidentally repeating what I'd said before. Still, Holden's narrative really makes the narrator feel special and like they're being entrusted with information no one else knows (although apparently D.B. knows...). Even though the book is old, the issues Holden struggled with are still present and relatable.

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man was probably my least favorite of the bunch mainly because I didn't feel that I could relate to Stephen a ton. Plus the abundance of religion was somewhat uncomfortable since I'm not even sure of what I believe in myself. The Bell Jar also has some tough themes to write and think about, simply because they are so relevant and I don't want to think about it. But I still did like The Bell Jar a lot, a good bit more than Portrait, because it's still relatable and I really felt like I got to know Esther as person while I feel like Stephen was just kinda there.

I don't know quite where I branched off, but I'm looking forward to seeing if the upcoming novels we will read also have deep and obvious connections to the author's experiences.

The Lady Lazarus

In class today we were given poems to read by Sylvia Plath, and Lady Lazarus really speaks to me for some reason. To be totally honest, I had read it over three times and still didn't understand what the poem was actually saying. It's just that the third time I read it out loud and the language and rhythm of the poem were both incredibly well done.

My first interpretation was that this poem was spoken Lady Lazarus, who is in some ways a version of Sylvia Plath's inner self. It talks about how she 'manage[s]' to die every decade, and I took this to mean times she's been close to death. The first time when she was ten was an accident, but the second time was on purpose. The third time isn't really talked about much. Unless the third death is what the poem is about... I don't know, I'm not very good analyzing poems.

Because of the fact tat I am not good at analyzing poems and also did not understand whatsoever what the rest of the poem was saying, I decided to cheat and look it up. The summary and analysis I found (http://www.gradesaver.com/sylvia-plath-poems/study-guide/summary-lady-lazarus) did clear up some of the questions I'd been having. The reference to Germans and Nazi's and herself as a Jew are symbolic to show how she feels oppressed, and also it criticizes the "peanut-crunching crowd". They seem to be enjoying her deaths and re-rise, as referenced in the "The big strip tease" stanza and also in the way the poem talks about there being a charge to see her scars, hear her heart, to touch her, etc. This is apparently supposed to criticize them in the way that Germans just ignored the Holocaust and were complacent. The use of "Herr Dokter" "Herr Enemy" and such were to make a statement about how she was being oppressed by this figure.

Though the poem is obviously about suicide and the main character wanting to die (with the oppressor not letting her have the peace of death she desires, and the "peanut-crunching" gallery being unhelpful voyeurs) what I didn't realize until I read the analysis was that this poem is about about a female's struggle in a patriarchal world. She keeps being brought back to life against her wishes, for what simply seems to be so that others can view her pain for entertainment.

I think it's important to realize that, because it's a recurring theme in Plath's work (and we've all read The Bell Jar by now, so we should recognize this). I also looked up when Plath died, and it was only a few months after this poem was written (published?) and I think that's important as well because it gives us, as readers, a better idea of the issues Plath was struggling with when she got back into the depression. The same issues with patriarchal society that contributed to her struggles in the years represented in The Bell Jar continue to be a huge issue for her throughout her life leading up to Plath's suicide.

Expecting Nothing

Reading The Bell Jar was a very strange experience. It can be hard to read, because Esther is mentally ill and it's a sad thing to read about. Like even now I feel like I'm tip-toeing, trying to find the right words and avoid the ones that could be potentially triggering or offensive. Even so, I still feel like I can relate to Esther and her mindset. I don't mean that I'm super depressed or anything, I'm not saying that; what I'm trying to say is that I like Esther and I can see bits of myself in her. I don't know... It's hard to explain.

But here's a small example: in chapter five Buddy visits Esther at her dorm. Joan Giling is mentioned, as Buddy is there to take her to a dance, and Esther isn't very happy about this. However, she thinks "I decided to expect nothing of Buddy Willard. If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed" (Plath 59). I have very similar thoughts sometimes. I guess it's kinda like the whole "prepare for the worst" saying. What I typically say is that it's better to think you're going to fail, because you can be oh so much happier when (if) you don't. My mom doesn't like that I say this; she thinks it's me setting myself for failure, but it isn't. It doesn't mean that I don't even try, it just means that I don't expect to do really well even if I try my hardest. I know it's not the best mindset to have, and that it'd be better for me to just be confident in my abilities (more motherly advice) but let's face it, it's hard to be confident all the time. Because what if I do actually fail at something?

I guess I just find it easier to bring people down than bring them back up, so if I go into, say, a test, thinking that I'm going to ace it but actually do terribly it hurts more. If I'm prepared to not have done well and do well then sure, I'll be disappointed in myself, but I won't be crushed; but if I actually do ace it then I can be pleasantly surprised and happier about it. It's just like how Esther didn't expect anything from Buddy, so his invitation to the Yale prom was so much more exciting; "I was so surprised I let out a couple of yips and ran into the house shouting, 'I'm going I'm going I'm going'" (Plath 60).

Note: Just a heads up, I have the Harper Perennial Modern Classics version of The Bell Jar.