But here's a small example: in chapter five Buddy visits Esther at her dorm. Joan Giling is mentioned, as Buddy is there to take her to a dance, and Esther isn't very happy about this. However, she thinks "I decided to expect nothing of Buddy Willard. If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed" (Plath 59). I have very similar thoughts sometimes. I guess it's kinda like the whole "prepare for the worst" saying. What I typically say is that it's better to think you're going to fail, because you can be oh so much happier when (if) you don't. My mom doesn't like that I say this; she thinks it's me setting myself for failure, but it isn't. It doesn't mean that I don't even try, it just means that I don't expect to do really well even if I try my hardest. I know it's not the best mindset to have, and that it'd be better for me to just be confident in my abilities (more motherly advice) but let's face it, it's hard to be confident all the time. Because what if I do actually fail at something?
I guess I just find it easier to bring people down than bring them back up, so if I go into, say, a test, thinking that I'm going to ace it but actually do terribly it hurts more. If I'm prepared to not have done well and do well then sure, I'll be disappointed in myself, but I won't be crushed; but if I actually do ace it then I can be pleasantly surprised and happier about it. It's just like how Esther didn't expect anything from Buddy, so his invitation to the Yale prom was so much more exciting; "I was so surprised I let out a couple of yips and ran into the house shouting, 'I'm going I'm going I'm going'" (Plath 60).
Note: Just a heads up, I have the Harper Perennial Modern Classics version of The Bell Jar.
I guess I just find it easier to bring people down than bring them back up, so if I go into, say, a test, thinking that I'm going to ace it but actually do terribly it hurts more. If I'm prepared to not have done well and do well then sure, I'll be disappointed in myself, but I won't be crushed; but if I actually do ace it then I can be pleasantly surprised and happier about it. It's just like how Esther didn't expect anything from Buddy, so his invitation to the Yale prom was so much more exciting; "I was so surprised I let out a couple of yips and ran into the house shouting, 'I'm going I'm going I'm going'" (Plath 60).
Note: Just a heads up, I have the Harper Perennial Modern Classics version of The Bell Jar.
You know, it's interesting because I have the opposite view. I go into tests thinking that I will excel. If I score below what I expected, then that inspires me to study more and do better. If I go into a test expecting a B, then I won't score more than a B because mentally, I have set a limit for myself that I can't exceed. I don't mean to crush your opinion, but I just feel that while you should set goals for yourself, you should never set limits. Aside from school, I am more familiar with this aspect due to investing: in investing, our goal is to make unlimited. The amount of money that we can make is limitless. If we go in with this approach, then we can better invest and better decide stock evaluations.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I certainlyagree with you here Shaleen. When you start thinking about things quantitatively, it tends to stifle potential. Being reasonably experienced with this whole investing business, I can draw up an example. Hopefully this can clarify Shaleen's reference to investing. In order to be a great investor, you want to set a point where, if your stock drops below a certain point, you just ditch it. It is terribly tempting to keep that stock to hopefully make back all that cash you just lost. (trust me, in my early days with the investment simulation I squandered plenty of money because I was to stubborn to ditch failing stocks. On the contrary, if your stock does well, you can set a limit, which is not necessarily bad. You can cash out and make a stable profit once you hit that limit. Alternatively, you can readjust your bottom limit according to the stock's successes. I find the latter to be highly preferable because you can theoretically make infinite earnings this way. Even if the stock drops once again, your readjusted lower limit should ensure a minimal loss of money.
Deleteok, In hindsight, I probably just confused more people, but at least Shaleen understands what I'm getting at :P
DeleteOkay I think I get what you're saying Shaleen (and Lyle xD) but it's not that I'm setting limits for myself. It's hard to explain... but basically I try to not hold myself up to any expectations so that I can save the myself from any hurt if I don't achieve them. But I'm not like I go into a test telling myself, "Tiye you have to get a C" or anything like that, it's more like I go into it knowing it's possible that I'd get the bad grade so that when I don't I feel better about it. I don't know, I'm still not explaining it very well :/
DeleteIt makes me uncomfortable to read Esther's descriptions of how she feels because the lack of emotion really gets to me. I know that I'm always feeling something, whether it's happy or angry or just anxious. It would stink to not feel anything, so while I can't relate to what Esther is feeling, I still sympathize knowing that it would be really scary.
ReplyDeleteI totally am the same when it comes to tests, I like to go in thinking that I will do badly and hopefully do better than I expected (except that doesn't happen very often haha). I agree, we aren't setting ourselves up for failure we are basically just setting ourselves up to be happier.
ReplyDeleteI totally get you, Tiye, about being able to relate despite not being depressed. The fig tree metaphor is spot on, and I can't say that I haven't been frustrated with how often I have to bathe and brush my teeth. It just never ends. Like Esther, I like to be able to finish things.
ReplyDeleteI think I get what you're saying about preparing for the worst. For me, at least, it's less that I /expect/ the lower grade than that I'm prepared for it in case it happens. But I usually don't think about it until I'm coming out of an exam—that's when I tend to estimate how well I might have done on it, and yes, those guesses tend to be on the "pessimistic" side. Once I've had my best go at something, it's easier for me to recover from a bad grade when I've already acknowledged it was a possibility.
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty much exactly what I mean!
DeleteFor me, I don't usually think about how good/bad I will do until the few minutes right before. I get all nervous, which I learned actually can cause some adrenaline to be released which could help you focus and do better.... so.... is it a good thing that we think about the worst? I don't know. We may prepare ourselves for the worst, but it's not like we WANT to do the worst, and the reward that we feel when we do better feels more significant. So, basically, I agree with you :P
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